Featured

New year, but better me

Gettin started 🧐

Trying to enter this year with a different approach to my previous resolutions. I figured out the new year new me wasn’t meant for me. Because after the first 2 weeks of the year you kind of lose your freshness. And start resorting back to old habits. Now for me I’ve never had issues with health or fitness goals. I’m an elite athlete so no complications on those goals for the new year. But one thing I’ve forever struggled with come the new year was letting go of bad tendencies. Both spiritual and physical. Like for the longest time I had strong convictions to change certain areas of my life and come the new year I would try to completely stop doing those bad habits of mine. But it’s hard breaking decade old habits so I naturally incline going back to those habits eventually. So my mindset entering 2018 is just get better and put to death those habits everyday. I guess telling myself being better was better than new. That’s why I have chosen to better myself by starting this blog site and growing in my writing and journalism. I don’t own any social media accounts so sharing my thoughts to the world doesn’t exist until now. I’m giving you all of me and nothing less. God, family, finances, relationships, basketball, and other great topics I will be covering in this blog. Stay tuned

Make me a believer

Sometimes I live like this world Is my permanent home. Just going about my days like my plans are the only things that exist. I get stuck in my own world. I hate it because in the back of my mind I know for a fact that Jesus return is near.

I go days without reading his word and without praying. I’m focused on improving my finances and getting everything else in order. Gods usually my last option. I try to do all these things on my own strength. When I look up I see how I put my relationship with my savior on the back burner. And really he’s the only reason why I am where I am today. I feel so disloyal to him. Yet he continues to bless me regardless of my selfishness. I almost don’t want his blessings because I see how underserving I am. I’m in this dilemma in my life to free my mind from bad habits that have stuck with me since I was boy. I see as a father and husband how much pressure there is on me to be strong for my family. I always feel like I am under performing. I just want the best for my little family that I am raising. My biological dad has failed me and every other man to set that example has done a terrible job. So here I am trying to get it right for the future generations. Because I know if I fail to do the right thing my son will do the same. Lately I’ve just been seeing all my mistakes before me. It’s a fight everyday to rise above things that try and hold me back from becoming the man I can vaguely see in front of me.

Gods word clearly warns me to not fall into having an unbelieving heart. And I go everyday doubting his return in my life. God has a way to get ones attention. I already know whether or not your doing good in life it will happen. I just want to be ready for it.

Just hold on, it’s a rant moment

Being a Christian is tough. I mean living in this world is hard. Don’t mean to sound like a pessimist but life can get extremely challenging. Especially since we don’t have all the answers to why things happen in life. On top of trying to live for god being a Christian comes with so much commitment. Not saying I am a perfect one but as I progress on my faith I see the areas I’m being targeted in.

It really hurts to say no to my carnal man. All life I’ve been somewhat popular but I always knew someone that was more popular than me. Like I wasn’t a nobody but I was somewhere in between all the cool kids. But there was always somebody a little more cooler than me. ( even though I didn’t think so). Through high school, college, and even in my adulthood I kinda always wanted to have all the shine. Be the most likable that everyone wanted to be around. But I wasn’t…..

I like to consider myself I genuine person. Who keeps it real 100% of the time. I thought that was good enough to attract good friends. But in fact there’s a lot of people who I guess are more toward a not so genuine lifestyle. Speaking the truth can hurt, especially when someone’s pride and ego are overpowering. I’ve lost relationships with child friends and family members because I didn’t conform to what they wanted me to be. I was trying to walk right and they were always pushing me to do something I wasn’t comfortable doing.

Mix that with being a Christian then you really become a lame to the world. I’m not one of those preachy and shove it down your throat Christians. But I’m just a dude that chills kicks back and loves on anyone regardless of the hate. That’s with all people, Christian or not. Believe it or not I’ve got probably more hate from Christians than anyone else. That’s what legalism can do to people. But god has freed me to be what he’s called me to be. And I can build relationships with anyone that allows me to.

Lately and now that I’m bringing it up I feel the need to try and impress people. I’m desiring to fit in with those cooler kids I was talking about earlier. In order to do so I have to let myself go a little. And that’s something I just can’t see myself doing. I’ve tried that before and I don’t like feeling like I have to please people. I enjoy being courteous and respectful and social. Who ever rocks with that than we can be more acquainted. I consider myself woke to the world and the cooler people just don’t have that quality. As much as I want to give in, I know the perspective I have is precious. Not everyone thinks how I think and loves like I do. I once followed the crowds and that lead me to real depression. At 26 I want to be different and set apart.

Matthew 24:10-13

This verse really encouraged me. Because I look at the world around me and I see so much hate. Police brutality, racism, all these social problems. More and more people are losing there selves to such uncontrollable hatred that their hearts are callused towards everybody. I believe the artist and celebrities of today are the false prophets that are leading so many people in the wrong direction to a false eternal life and freedom. I know this because sometimes I follow them to closely and I start to become desensitized by social media. In my own heart I start to feel like I’m living in lawlessness because I’d rather chose the things of this world over god. But I quickly remind myself of what god saved me from. If I endure through all this going on in the world I will be saved from it. I lose track of that glorious day that Jesus will come back. It’s terrifying to know that it’s soon because I have friends and family that aren’t right. And I would hate for their eternity to be away from god. Sometimes I have to rant like this to show how much love I have for people regardless of faith, lifestyle,cultural background, ethnicity, and gender. I wish everyone would just repent and give their life to god. But it ain’t that easy for some. And I want my life to show how gracious god is and how he is not being impatient in his return with everyone, but he’s waiting so they will get right and won’t perish.

Cowardly Courageous

Seeing all the things going on here in America lately has been really weighing on my heart. There’s so many injustices and one sided way of thinking by people. It’s really showing people’s true colors. From what these poor family’s are having to go through in these holding “camps”, to the brutal murder of Lesandro Guzman in the Bronx. It’s gut wrenching and very disturbing to see how such these type of events occurring in such an amazing country. I mean I know there’s horrendous things happening all the time that may or may not be broadcasted. But these two events have really got me thinking of people a little deeper.

When it comes to this border issue. It’s one way to protect our borders but it’s another when family’s that are waiting at the border are being ripped apart from each other and being kept in camps that are in worse conditions than prisons. Just people seeking refuge from the chaos going on in their own country. But yet being criminalized for seeking help. The hate of America’s leaders is beyond obvious but yet it’s encouraging others to participate and spread the hate. So the people that are able to make a positive change rather allow their own selfishness to keep these immigrants down. A cowardly courageous act by people that can be a hero to these helpless people. They use their courage to make big decisions for all the wrong reasons.

Now on the topic of cowards being courageous. Those 10 young men that mercilessly attacked the 15 year old in New York was inhuman and pure evil. The killing was probably based of emotion and obviously took no time to think things through. None the less it took courage to commit to dragging junior out of the store and maliciously brutalize him with whacks and stabs from the machete and knives. But it was a cowardly courage. For all the on watchers and recorders with their phones to not step in before and after the attack was just scary to witness. Nobody had enough courage to get involve and help this kid out. People are so worried about their own agendas. Never considering the next man.

So I had to spill some of my thoughts and feelings on these two events that are going on in my country. Because I know I would want someone to help me if I was placed in any of those situations. Hopefully if your reading this you will show more courage in a circumstance that can use your help for a good cause. Don’t be a coward. Don’t be someone just recording as someone’s begging for your help. We need more people to step up and fight for those who are less fortunate.

I’m not trying to be inspirational or an activist. Lol Just mirroring what my savior did for me. When sin and my bad decisions had me down. He stepped in for me and shared his love on that cross.

Chastisement

What if life always went the way you wanted it? With no real worries or any type of stress. A stress free life because whatever you planned to do it would 100% come to fruition. The universe would just favor everything you did.

Would it make your life more purposeful to get whatever you desired? Would it make us more happy to live in such entitlement?

Well speaking for myself I lived and still try to live like I have control over my life. Before I had got right with god, I did whatever I pleased and didn’t think anything of it. There were many repercussions for that way of living but my mind was dark and ignorant to how life really works. I’ve been born again for going on 6 years and I have experienced some real hard times.

When I gave my life over to god for him to rule I thought life was going to be all peaches and cream because I was safe and in his will. But in the past year there has been some bad things that I never saw coming happen in my life. Immediately I begin to question why god allowed this to happen. Then I quickly remind myself that there’s sin that still lives within me and to humble myself before god. He lead me to these verses in the Bible to open my eyes more on his love for me in those hard times.

Hebrews 12 – 4. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6. because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” 7. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8. If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10. They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. 12. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.

Hopefully this post isn’t being interpreted as god’s discipline is why bad things happen to us. Bad things happen in this world because it’s fallen. But that’s beside the point.

My goal in this post is to show that when we make mistakes god doesn’t condemn. He wants us to do better and to mature spiritually. So he provides his grace to pick us back up. But in the process of all that we must be disciplined thus explaining why we may go through a season in our life of enduring hardship.

Personally I make mistakes everyday and I sin as a Christian. But I love how god does discipline me and I expect him to. So I just try to embrace myself before he does because it’s the hardest beating to handle but in the end it makes me stronger and better.

Questions

Things happen in life that we have no control over. It can be really good things or really bad things that occur in the span of our lives. But how we respond to these events in our lives is what really shows what your made of. Now don’t be mistaken, if bad things are always happening to you because of poor decisions on your part. Well then your asking for bad fortune. But the ultimate question is why do bad things happen to genuinely good people?

Prime example, my wife was involved in a car accident a couple weeks ago. Car was totally demolished but she came out with minor whiplash and a baby cut on her knuckle. A red lighter runner was the cause of this unfortunate event. All she was doing was making a legal left turn and out of no where a Dodge Ram came running right into the passenger side of her car going about 50mph. She miraculously didn’t have any injuries or the car didn’t flip considering how the truck hit her.

When I got the news that she was involved in a accident. I grabbed my son and the stroller and ran to the crash sight which was right around the corner from my house. His car seat was in her vehicle at the moment so I didn’t want to pull up with my 2 year old sitting without a car seat. I couldn’t feel any real emotions in the moment because I had to see her and make sure she was alive in front of me. Pulling up to the scene our car looked like the hulk punched half of it. I couldn’t believe she made it out alive at all. The hardest part was not having any family or friends to aid us with our son to so I could get her to the hospital.

I don’t know about any of you. But when there’s a life changing event that takes place in my life I start to question. My first question was why my wife? She’s the most cautious driver I know. Second question was, is it my fault this happen.Here’s my reasoning for these questions…..

I know accidents happen everyday but me being a dig deeper thinker I try to find a meaning behind everything that happens in my life. So the fact that this happen to my wife really shook me up. Because she is such a big hearted person. Anyone she encounters she treats everybody with so much respect. She loves god and practices her faith daily. She’s a great mom and the list goes on. She has no flaws. And maybe I’m not treating her as I should so god allowed this to happen to get my attention. Just a variety of “what if” and “how comes” came to my head when all this was happening.

After the accident it helped me to cherish every moment of life. In the blink of an eye your entire world can just fall apart on you. I started to envision my life without her and how I were to raise our son without her. But whatever the case maybe I trust God’s plan for my life. Also for my wife’s. He sparred her that day and I have a second chance to prove my love for her from this day on out. For the “what if’s” in life. I’ve concluded and made up my mind to live on gods word. That’s where my strength lies. I’ve tried to disregard god and tried to have it all figured it. But it was just so much stress that came from it. So I decided to fully put my trust in him no matter how ugly or how pretty things got in my life. He has sure taught me lessons about submitting my will to him. Now when I reflect on my life I see how far he has brought me.

Romans 9:20

But who are you, Oman, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?”

Ive never experienced any close deaths or tragic accidents in my life. But with gods help he prepares my mind and heart for anything life may throw at me everyday.

Whenever I began to complain about my life or becoming ungrateful. I’m quickly reminded about gods blessing in my life. He has been faithful to me no matter how hard things have gotten in 25 years of life. He’s been right there for me in the darkest times. Because of that I can’t even doubt his ways because he is good. At the end of the day he loves me and cares for my every need. My soul knows and feels it. That is why I’ve chosen to walk with god till my time is up. I encourage you to do the same. He loves you beyond words can express. He wants you to get to know him so that you to can live without fear of the future because you know it’s in his hands.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts-

Isaiah 55:8-9

Water your own grass

It wasn’t until I reach adulthood after college, you know living on your own and taking care of responsibilities were I became a little covetous from what I saw around me. My first car was a 1998 Chevy Prizm aka a bucket on wheels. It had a cracked windshield, no A/C, no paint job, bad struts but man did it get me to all my destinations and back with no problem. It was the car that I brought my son home from the hospital after birth and it came through for me when I had to go to work. It was very humbling let me tell you. But I was extremely grateful because I knew God was providing for my needs. I was perfectly fine with my lifestyle because I had everything I needed.

Fast forward three years later. Im now living in a house instead of a 1 bedroom apartment. I own two vehicles for me and my wife and again I have more than what I need. But I do have those moments, where I pull up to the red light and theres that nice Jeep Cherokee or that young guy who looks around my age stunting in his 2017 BMW. My heart starts to wander away from its state of being content. Thankfully I have a wife who really helps me realize that things aren’t what they seem.

Some people are drowning in debt and have no money to their name but there hanging on to a lifestyle that is to expensive for them. They could be very rich with a high paying job but have terrible financial habits. Or they could be driving a rental for the day. Just many different side of the stories that you as a on looker know nothing about. We base everything by what we see and perceive when really its all just an illusion to suck you into trying to keep up. Instead of watering and tending to your own grass.

The one question I always ask myself when I start to desire “the finer things” or just things that I would like to have. Is, will this make me really make me happy and will I feel a fulfillment from obtaining what I crave to have? Usually in that moment my desires and feeling like to put me on a roller coaster of yes’s and no’s. But I have learned to live with what I have already. I am a pretty simple guy and I don’t need much to satisfy     my lifestyle. I have a faithful wife and healthy son. My house may not be filled with the latest and greatest home decor. But I have a faithful wife, a healthy son, and my home is filled with love, peace, and good vibes. What more could a man want in life.

Real love

They told me not to fall off

I took that as, they want me to fall off

Because I wouldn’t support there religious cause

they want to see my downfall

when I first started this walk with god

speaking to what I thought were like minded believers

trying to shoot me down because I was on cloud 9 with Jesus

saying things like “are you sure you want to follow god”

questioning my allegiance

then adding salt on the wound by cowardly speaking how hard it is to please him

I was never coming across those elderly teachers in the scriptures

the ones I admire for the boldness in faith

but mostly because they way the word made them look so loving and welcoming

why couldn’t I witness this whenever I was in the churchs place

now I see why unbelievers look at god as a disgrace

I don’t think a single christian has genuinely congratulated me on being steady in this race

and I don’t expect anyone outside the church to do so

I call that a love fake

I know my gift is encouraging others

but when the encourager needs some encouragement

I look to seek his face

religion and modern day pharisees make getting to know god so difficult

god has been my rock in tough times and I know he’ll be there forevermore

 

 

A new day

Ever have those real bad unproductive days? Where everything you were looking to get done didn’t get done? By the end of the day you feel so unaccomplished and dissatisfied. Well I had one of those days yesterday. It always weighs on me to the day after. I get this strong feeling of sloth fullness, laziness, and all kinds of idleness. It really sucks when I do that because the way I live my life I try to to obedient to gods voice and his word. Sometimes I feel having the knowledge of his word, I use it to beat myself with it. You know being your own worst critic can be harmful because instead of empowering myself I often find myself putting me down.

But then when I open up gods word all is reassured that I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. No matter what I’m going through sin and my rebellion will never outdo the love god has for me. Yes he wants me to live righteously and blamelessly. But sheesh do I ever live wickedly in my heart, mind and even actions on a daily basis. Nevertheless my heart is changing and my mind is renewing to want more of Jesus. Even in my struggles god always reaches out to me to let me know that his mercies are new everyday.

Lamentations 3:22-23

22 

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]

his mercies never come to an end;

23 

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

2 Chronicles 7:14

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Psalm 30:5

For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Feel then THINK

To many times feelings will make us do irrational things. I mean our emotions are so powerful they recommend you don’t drive if your over and under emotional. Because it can keep you from being fully alert on the road.

When you look at life, how do your feelings cloud your good judgement? Because allowing your feelings to drive you can be very dangerous. It seems a lot of us will let these emotions get in the driver seat of our decision making and steer us right into oncoming traffic. Yeah real tragic scene. What a lot of lives look like because the lack of self control and thoughtlessness.

So how do you feel then think? Well when feelings arise we should wait before we act on how we feel. And think it real hard and good about what to do.

Here’s a good illustration on how our feelings should be dealt with. I heard this from Pastor Phil in ATL that I follow and it really put things into perspective for me. Hopefully does the same for you.

With modern day technology some vehicles Are equipped with a blind spot alert system. So when a vehicle is in the blind spot the blind spot system will Alert the driver that there’s a car in the blind spot. The system doesn’t dictate what the driver should do it only notifies what the driver is unaware of. The driver knowing by the blind spot system can either continue to turn into next lane regardless of the car in the blind spot or it could do the logical thing and stay in the same lane till it’s safe to change lanes. Now just like our feelings the blind spot alert system will only indicate but not dictate what the driver should do. When we allow our feelings to control us it’s similar to changing lanes though there is car in your blind spot. Like any good and safe driver we should always allow the indication to lead us to make the safest and less hazardous decision.

Heart check

My hearts condition is so wicked

Pitch black completely cracked

Trying to figure out this narrow road

Following footsteps to who knows

I guess I’ll go

Finding peace inside my soul

That’s the goal

My minds status

I don’t know

I want the gold

So I put on a show

I’m really sinning on the low

I need to grow

Whys this progress so slow

Good god It feels like I’m losing control

The pressures and influences of the world

Tormenting my pour soul

I desire to do what’s right

I love to do what’s wrong

Spending all my time

On petty crimes

It’s hard to shine

When your filled with grime

My hearts shrine

I want to die and escape these dilemmas of life

Thatd be easier right

I can’t fight this fight

I’m not strong enough

My endurance won’t last

I’m falling fast

I’m bound to crash

So what’s keeping me on the right path?

I did the math

My wrongs outdo my rights

I see hells gates in my foresight

I deserve this plight

And still your love wipes away all those bad nights

Those lonely flights

Struggling from the vices of my life

You come through for me

Jesus you make everything alright